Full motion zombies!

FMV games: A sad chapter in the history of video games. The advent of the CD-ROM led not so much to improved graphics or sound, but to crappy and compressed full motion video and games so ridiculous that they can easily be included in most “worst of all time” lists. You know these kind of games, you used to play them back in the mid-90s and while thinking how awesome they were.

In any case, FMV games became synonymous with CD games in the early days of the medium and were known for shitty acting, lousy gameplay and money you could’ve instead spent on a quality SNES game. On consoles they were mostly rail shooters. On the PC side of things, FMV was used extensively in adventure games, up until the end of the decade and, in some cases, beyond.

An example from my own troubled childhood would be Black Dahlia for the PC, released I believe in ‘98, which came in 7 or 8 CDs. Can’t really remember. But stay away from it, unless you’re in the mood for some frustrating adventure game puzzles and a Dennis Hopper desperately in need for a career resurgence.

Note: NEC’s PC Engine/TurboGrafx-16 was the exception to all this. Not only was the CD-ROM add-on put to good use most of the time, but many of those games wouldn’t have been as good in HUCard format. I also have a greater tolerance for 600MB used for a decent CD-quality soundtrack rather than choppy low-res cutscenes.

Sega CD and Sega 32X: An even sadder case. Sega CD was an add-on released for the Genesis (aka Mega-CD and Mega Drive, respectively, outside the US). It played shitty FMV games. Most of them were so laughably bad they were actually enjoyable. Some, such as Night Trap, became cult hits for reasons unknown. Others, such as Hideo Kojima’s Snatcher, were surprisingly good compared to the rest (altough the game was a port of the PC Engine version, and so not really made for Sega-CD).

The 32X was a mistake. It latched on top of your Genesis and let you play “32-bit” games. Erm, whatever. Most people decided to wait for the PlayStation/Saturn/N64 instead. Perhaps the most outrageous thing about this system were “Sega CD 32X” games, which required both add-ons to work.

Corpse Killer is one of those games. A remarkable product of this forgettable era of video games. Remarkable not because it’s good, which it probably isn’t, but because you shoot fucking zombies. From what little footage I’ve seen of the game – I haven’t played it yet – it looks as if the video is actually of higher quality than its contemporary FMV games, which unfortunately doesn’t say much.

This game seems to have that unmistakable low-budget-zombie-movie feel to it, which makes it all the more enjoyable to people like me. I expect a campy plot with outrageous characters and even more outrageous zombies. I don’t really care about the actual gameplay, so I shouldn’t be terribly disappointed.

I’ll let you know what I thought of it when I’m done playing it.

Zombie week!

UPDATE: The Zombie Week has been rescheduled for the week of November 10th to 16th. I need more time to write these things. Sorry!

This blog has been dormant for too long, so an announcement is due: The week of November 3rd to November 9th will be Zombie Week. That means I’ll put up a review of a zombie movie every day of the week.

November also happens to be the month when Left 4 Dead will be released. For those not in the know, it’s a Valve-produced multiplayer survival horror FPS. With zombies. There’s something to make me forget about Team Fortress 2 for a while.

About that Zombie Week, then! Here’s the schedule:

Zombie Monday: Zombi 2 (1979)

Yet another member of the Romero family tree of zombie films, this fine example of Italian exploitation spawned some bad sequels and an army of devoted fans. Is also famous for some hot zombie on shark action.

Zombie Tuesday: Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Romero at his most classic. Could this be the best zombie film of them all? If it’s Romero’s best, then it should be pretty close to the top.

Zombie Wednesday: Dawn of the Dead (1979)

Or could this be his best one? Romero’s social satire and morbid humour blend together to create what’s probably the most iconic zombie flick and certainly one of the most interesting and thought-provoking.

Zombie Thursday: [REC] (2007)

A recent Spanish take on the mindless monsters. Much like Cloverfield and Romero’s own Diary of the Dead, it uses the hand-held camera feel to convey a sense of action and urgency. It is also much, much better than both previously mentioned movies and one of my personal favourites as of late.

Zombie Friday: Dawn of the Dead (2004 remake)

An unnecessary remake that turns Dawn into a mindless Hollywood film. Sacrilege? I personally see this piece of coal as a diamond among a sea of mediocre (at best!) remakes. Also: Sarah Polley’s hot.

Zombie Sunday: Shaun of the Dead (2004)

And now for something completely different. That is, the best zombie comedy you’ll ever watch. Because you’ve got red on you. I’m sorry, Shaun.

Mother 3! In English!

The team from Starmen.net have finally released their labour of love: an English translation of the much-anticipated but never-released-outside-Japan sequel to 1995’s Earthbound. That would be Mother 3. You can find the patch here and should really play this game.

I’ve been following the translation project closely for the past year or so and the work these people have put behind this is phenomenal. Surely enough, the first chapter of the game, which is all I’ve had time for yesterday, plays almost exactly like a professional localised version would. Minus the censorhip, of course.

I’m going back to Mother 3 now, but before I go, I feel like I should thank the team for their time and effort and congratulate them on their excellent work.

OK, so I kinda hate Audioslave

Preface: This post is pretty random and basically an excuse for me to vent because Ghosts ‘n fucking Goblins for the NES is kicking my ass and the anger has to be channeled somewhere. It is also the kind of post I’ve tried to steer clear of ever since I started blogging again a few months ago. But I just can’t resist ranting this once. Consider it a warm-up for what will hopefully be a series of much more interesting posts in the near future.

Actual rant begins now:

So I am in this music store, minding my own business, with a copy of the splendid rerelease of Pacific Ocean Blue in hand, when I catch a glimpse of Revelations, the third and, thankfully, final album by Audioslave. Now the cd was just sitting in the discount shelf, among countless other cds. It wasn’t prominently displayed or anything, so I shouldn’t even have noticed it, right? Wrong. I wish I could say I hate the group – that would justify the frustration I felt as soon as I laid my eyes on that album cover – but the truth is I’m so indifferent to their music that such strong feelings are simply not present.

There are, however, a couple of things I hate about Audioslave and these are Chris Cornell’s voice and the fact that they cover Rage Against the Machine songs with vocals by the aforementioned singer.

Hello, I’m Chris Cornell and the editor of this blog doesn’t approve of my singing.

Allow me a brief flashback. It’s late 2002, I think, and Audioslave’s eponymous album is out. Being a big RATM fan, I buy it, listen to it, then wait for the next one, since it is obvious to me that the different styles of music that each part of the group represents don’t match that nicely.

Three parts RATM and one part Chris Cornell, who I must admit was completely new to me back then, Audioslave sounded awkward in their first album. They continued along the same path in their second one, which was the final one I purchased, hoping for a tighter, less boring sound. I never got the third one, so you can probably tell how that turned out.

Surprisingly – or, come to think of it, not so surprisingly – their albums sold lots of copies, they were awarded some Grammy awards, whatever that means, and even became the first American rock band to perform an open-air concert in Cuba, which must’ve been sad and disappointing for Cubans waiting for some ‘merican rock music after all those years. Serves them right, I guess.

So, anyway, Audioslave disbanded in 2007 or something, a day that must surely have been a joyful one in my life, but just can’t quite remember because I didn’t really give a crap by that time. The only memory I have of Audioslave is Chris Cornell’s annoying, raspy voice and his shitty cover of a RATM song (or maybe it was two; the pain is too much to handle, I can’t remember clearly).

I haven’t listened to anything by Soundgarden, or any of CC’s solo work – and I sure as hell won’t after Audioslave – but his voice causes my ears to bleed and my heart to race in fear. Allright, so it might not cause panic, but I still don’t like it. What made RATM function so well, apart from their strong political message, was the quality of their music. Rap and rock fused in an awesome, explosive sound that wasn’t just unique, but in a way also representative of the message.

Audioslave was a mixture of RATM, this time with a more classic rock feel, and whatever Cornell was doing in the 80s and 90s, I suppose. It also lacked a direction. Vaguely political lyrics mixed with pretty standard rock lyrics, all of it sung irritantingly by Chris. An obvious attempt to appeal to both RATM and Soundgarden/Cornell fans and, as is usually the case with “super groups”, lots of generic music with nothing to distinguish it from other mediocre groups other than its members.

But I’ve said enough. Now is the time for a comparison. Below is a video of Audioslave covering Killing in the Name, a standard RATM number:

And here’s the original:

See what I mean? No? Well, that’s OK, this comparison is kind of meaningless, anyway.

I’m starting to run out of fuel, but I will say this before I post this rambling piece of data: Their instrumental RATM covers are very interesting, especially when there’s a new solo involved.

Note: Strictly personal opinion, certainly misinformed, meant to be only slightly offensive, please don’t sue, but feel free to Martha. Comment if you will, just don’t expect me to like Audioslave.