The anatomy of a Doom 3 email

Proof that quality pr0n will always be a highly valuable good.

I was running through some levels on Doom 3 earlier today, taking screenshots for the second part of my review, when I came across this gem of an email. I don’t know what’s funnier here; the fact that pr0n is still distributed in video discs 150 years from now, or the fact that John Bianga just can’t contain his urge any longer and actually takes the disc back from poor Charlie. Or maybe that he gets it back from Charlie.

I like how things star innocently enough (“How have you been?”), then John mentions how he’s left some goodies in the locker for Charlie. This is, of course, only the good news. The bad news comes in the next sentence, where he announces – quite randomly it may look to the inexperienced reader – that Charlie will no longer enjoy what most scientists on Mars crave: pr0n.

Thanks a lot for that, John. I can only guess those goodies weren’t enough to satisfy Charlie Haskell’s needs, because I found the PDA next to his dead body inside a service passageway and I couldn’t find a pr0n video disc no matter how thorough I was in my search. And I was thorough.